June's Tip on the Mysteries of Male/Female Communication is about keeping a mini flirting guide in your thoughts for when potential scenarios arise. Author Leil Lowndes summarizes this guide by using the word SOFTEN and I have heard from countless people on the success it can bring...
S is for smile. As you are listening to your quarry you have recently met, let a soft smile of acceptance frame your lips.
O is for open body. Face your quarry fully, nose to nose, belly to belly. Keep your arms open in a relaxed, inviting position.
F is for forward lean. Lean toward him or her or stand or sit just a tad too close to show you are physically attracted.
T is for touch. Gently, even “accidentally,” touch his or her arm.
E is for eye contact. Think “sticky eyes” when you are first talking to him or her. Let your eyes stay glued to theirs for a little longer – even during the silences. A gaze that stays overtime awakens primal feelings. It induces the same fight or flight chemicals that race through our veins when we feel infatuation. It is electrifying when someone’s glance lingers on you during the silence, after you’ve stopped talking. When you must look away, do so reluctantly. Drag your eyes away slowly, as though they had been stuck with warm taffy.
N is for nod. Nod your head gently in response to things he or she is saying to show you are interested and listening.
As a Date Coach, here's a friendly reminder of my website, www.yourdatecoach.com. Please feel free to contact me any time to discuss how date coaching can help you or someone you know turn their love life right around.
Enjoy our June issue and do tell if you have any requests for topics you would like to see in future editions. You are also welcome to view our archived newsletter by clicking at the bottom of this newsletter.
We are now celebrating over 50 marriages through our service!
"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." ~ Mark Twain
Look forward to seeing you soon!
Sincerely,
Hi Christine,
I'm a very outgoing person in most situations but, when it comes to dating, I get extremely nervous and have a hard time being myself. Is there anything you can recommend to loosen up and just enjoy myself?
MR
Dear MR,
This is very common. We can be super confident and outgoing with our friends but as soon as Mr. Right steps within inches of us, we turn into a bit of a mess. What you need to do is have a specific action or mantra reminder with you that tells you to chill. For example, you meet a guy, you think he's great, you know that you have a tendency to get really nervous so before you allow yourself to go down that road, you lightly dig your thumbnail into your index finger as a sort of reminder to yourself, "you are starting to act really nervous so just breathe and chill, breathe and chill, breathe and chill". It's a way of calling yourself on your own behavior and combines both physical and mental stimuli to help it resonate. Public speakers and athletes use this method all the time. Even if you have to do it 20 times in an hour for the first bit, your body will learn to just breathe and chill. Another way is to flood yourself with confident mantras like, "I am fabulous. I am confident. I am a real catch". Take time before the date and throughout the date to say these things to yourself and breathe deeply.
Nervousness can actually be a good thing because it lets you know you are definitely into this person. Don't be too hard on yourself and start applying these suggestions. I know they'll help!
Speed-Dating at Coffee Junkies: (licensed) 795-1st Ave SW
Guests can be (+/-) 3 years of any of our age ranges.
Wednesday, June 6th - ages 30-40
Thursday, June 7th - ages 25-35
Wednesday, June 20th - ages 25-35
Wednesday, June 27th - ages 35-45
Thursday, June 28th - ages 30-40
Wednesday, July 18th - ages 30-40
Thursday, July 19th - ages 25-35
Wednesday, July 25th - ages 35-45
JUNE 2007
Aries - As the month gets started on the 1st, it's time for some serious romantic reckoning. Nope, not with the semi-emotionally available ex-object of your affection. Put down the phone and go to the mirror. Take a long, hard look. Now, have a very, very honest discussion with the good-looking person looking back at you from the bathroom vanity (hand mirror, rearview mirror of the car, compact case, whatever). What do you really want, romantically? What's (really) getting in the way? How can you (really) make an effort to do something better? By the 5th and 6th, if you've been unfair to someone you care about, these are good days to make up for it. The 9th and 10th, whatever you do, romantically, is way more-than-right. The 15th, you're at a turning point; be honest now and real romance could be just around the corner. The 21st, you should make sure to have some quality time with the person in the mirror, and by the 26th, you'll be more than ready for some very intense romantic activity. The 28th, it's time for you to review your romantic advances (are you more honest with yourself after that little chat with the mirror?) and take stock of just what you've got going on (with yourself). The 30th, you're looking mighty cute and mighty lucky. Can love be far behind?
Taurus - The 1st, there could be a whole lot of topsy-turvy happening in your love life. Maybe one minute you've got plans for coffee, the next minute they've canceled, the next minute they want to be with you forever, and twenty minutes later they send an email blaming you for canceling coffee even though the last thing you even considered doing was canceling. Sheesh! What's going on here, anyhow? Is it them? You? The two of you? Can you work it out? Or is it just a little too nuts? If you don't have all the answers, don't despair. By the 2nd and 3rd, all this way-too-much is beginning to abate. And even if you don't like all the answers to the question of what-the-heck-is-going-on, at least they're beginning to be clearer to you. The 8th and 9th, it's important for your romantic peace of mind to make sure you're doing something productive in some other area of your life. By the 14th, decide what it is you really, really want from this possibly still-a-little-sticky romantic situation and you'll have a much better chance at success. The 20th, ask them out for a drive-in movie. Buy candy corn. Eat it with your fingers. Enjoy the stickiness of it (it's also what makes it sweet, no?). By the 25th and 26th, you want to communicate your message (whatever it is) as clearly as possible, and the 30th, be sure not to forget that romance should, at least occasionally, be fun.
Gemini - All work and no play makes just about anybody dull! So, as the sunniest month of the year thus far begins, make sure you relax a little. Take the afternoon off, the 1st. Go for a walk, ride the roller coaster at the boardwalk. After all, if you want more romance in your life, you absolutely have to make space for it. So if an attractive somebody wants to climb into your roller-coaster car, slide on over, help them buckle up, and enjoy the ride. You might even hold hands if you're smart! It's okay to keep meeting like this ('by accident' at the boardwalk) for the next couple of days, but before too long, you'd better get their info so they can't disappear from your life as mysteriously as they entered (that'd really be scary!). By the 5th, you two might be ready for a change of pace. Enough with the adrenaline. Why not do something a little more relaxing, maybe in a natural setting, far from the stresses of the world and the screams of the roller coasters? The 10th and 11th, you make a couple of big decisions. Is it love? Do you want to quit your respective jobs and open up a new love-themed amusement park at the beach? By the 17th, you'll know if you made the right choice (here's a bet you did). The 23rd and 24th, there are more choices in store. Should your theme park have a Tunnel of Love? (Yes, duh!). Should you paint your pirate-ship ride pink? (Maybe). Follow your instincts. The 30th, skip work in the afternoon, head for the beach and smooch
Cancer - The 1st, you need to get connected, get connected, and get a little bit more connected. Then, you want to work on staying that way. Sound like enough of a romantic challenge? Well, it's a heck of a good start, anyhow. The 4th, 5th and 6th, if you play your cards right, you'll be pretty busy when it comes to romance. But you do really want to make sure that you're getting at least kind of enough sleep, and eating well, and generally taking a teensy weensy bit of time for yourself by yourself? The 11th and 12th, spend your days reconsidering what exactly it is you want from your steamy new romance (knowing what you want is a pretty good way to start to get it). The 13th and 14th, go ahead and ask yourself why your romances look the way they do, for better or for worse. What would you like to change? How could you go about it? By the 20th and 21st, you're ready to do something major. You're going to change something big, and it's going to be exciting (if a little scary, perhaps). Go for it! You can do it. If they can't respond in an appropriate way, walk away. Unless you think they might need more time. Then give them more time, if you feel like it. The 25th, you're ready for a brand-new insight that could light up all kinds of dark romantic corners. End the month, the 29th and 30th, with a nice, long rest. Whew! What a month!
Leo - So you've been looking for love. You've been peeking under clamshells at the beach and poking underneath your neighbor's box hedges and digging around in the pebbled areas in front of your apartment complex. Feel like you haven't found it yet, in spite of your very best searching? Well, maybe it's time to try a new approach. After all, often things we're looking for (think: your house keys) are hiding in plain sight. It's something to think about, anyhow, on the 1st. By the 2nd and 3rd, you could already be seeing all kinds of things you'd missed with your under-a-rock or behind-the-box-hedge approach. Is your coworker actually quite a hottie? Hmm! Intriguing! The 8th, you might be ready to say something to the newly identified object of your possible affection: go ahead! The 12th, write them a note if you think they haven't noticed your attentions yet. The 13th is not a bad day to look into going out on a date. The 16th, you have to solve a little problem (you can do it). The 17th and 18th, everything romantic is going your way, and it feels great! The 22nd and 23rd, things get a little bit easier thanks to your latest romantic efforts, and the 28th you're feeling fantastic. Who needs to poke around in the bushes when you've got a bright and shiny love right there in front of you!
Virgo - The 1st, you're at that either very-romantic or not-romantic-at-all place: decision time. Whether you're taking the next step in a relationship or thinking hard about ending something that isn't quite working, you've got some big choices ahead of you this month. Try to keep in mind the fact that it's a lovely summer month, and whatever you decide, don't forget to get outside and enjoy the fresh, clean air, the ocean (or mountain, or desert, or flatland, or urban, or whatever) breezes, the feel of sunshine on your bare shoulders, and so on. (It's all pretty romantic!). By the 5th and 6th, you may have reached a decision, but even if you haven't, you'll feel better just for trying. The 11th, you spend the day getting busy, though it could be your work rather than your romance that's demanding the lion's share of your time. The 15th, you'll be able to think things through more clearly if you don't skip your visit to the mountaintop meditation session you've been going to lately, and the 17th, you might even want to bring the object of your attentions along with you when you do a little more meditating. The 19th and 20th, you could come to an important romantic conclusion -- with their help (romantic decisions are often best reached by consensus). The 25th and 26th, if you stop idealizing them and start to appreciate them for who they really are, chances are things will go much more honestly between you. By the 30th, you're in a good space to say yea or nay to your cutie-pie.
Libra - Love is all about balance. Well, okay, it's about attraction, chemistry, compatibility, luck, timing, tastes, lifestyles, geography and magic, but there's a fair amount of balance that's crucial to making the whole thing work. The 1st, you're all about balance, which could prove to be a very, very good thing for your romantic life. Spend the first day of the month getting as balanced as possible, physically and emotionally, and you'll have set the stage for a mighty romantic summer. By the 5th and 6th, there could be some serious romance (in the form of a real cutie-pie) coming your way, and thanks to your newly found balance, you are more than ready to embrace said cutie-pie (either literally or emotionally or both). The 11th and 12th, you two are totally in sync. Enjoy the ebb and flow of energies, but don't be too upset if it turns out there's some unrest and imbalance below the surface. Heck, it happens! The 17th and 18th, go for a nice long hike or walk or bike ride with your buddies to bring everything back into alignment for you. By the 22nd and 23rd, you are in a really good space. This is going to be nothing but good for your romantic life. The 28th, try something new. End the month, the 30th, by finally getting rid of an old, out-of-whack romantic limitation.
Scorpio - The 1st, you are ready to go out on a limb. You are ready to take a risk. You are ready to get romantic -- and how. Well, romance is nothing if not risk. You put your heart out there on you sleeve and you hope that they treat you gently, but once that old heart is out there you give up a certain amount of control (if you know what's good for you). It looks like you're finally ready to do it. As you proceed, trust your instincts. The 5th and 6th, don't forget that it's important not to lose sight of the other things that are important to you as you take that old romantic plunge. Make sure you're still exercising, for example, no matter how nervous you are about what they're going to say to your prospective date. The 10th, don't freak out if there's a problem. Maybe when they said they couldn't go to the movies because their car broke down, maybe they really can't go to the movies because their car broke down (and not, for example, because they don't want to go to the movies with you). The 16th is a really stellar day to get what you want, so go ahead and ask them to the movies again. The 20th and 21st, ask a friend for some help with getting what you want romancewise, and you could be surprised at what you find out about what you've been missing. The 25th and 26th, you are looking cute and they are noticing (yes!). The 30th, end the month with a big romantic bang!
Sagittarius - As the month starts out, the 1st, you feel fantastic. You look fantastic. You smell great. You have a certain glow. You're getting to know someone you've been wanting to get to know. Yep, you are in a super position to get started on a whole new romance. Or a whole new take on an old romance. The 4th, 5th and 6th, you are seriously impressive (and your potential romantic partner is seriously impressed). Why not make a move? Call them up and make a date. Or walk by their desk and drop a pencil. Or smile that date-making smile. Whatever your method of choice, now is a good time to go for it. By the 11th and 12th, you want to take a long view. How does this person fit into your romantic pattern? Are they a departure? A repetition? It never hurts to do a little asking of the hard questions early on in the process. The 17th and 18th, you're feeling super-creative, and if you bet on yourself now, you'll be collecting the winnings for years to come. The 21st, somebody could be a tad irritating. Hopefully it isn't your cutie, but if it is, well, don't freak out. Sometimes even the cutest cuties can be a little trying (you might even be a little difficult, once in a while, yourself, you know). By the 25th and 26th, you're in romantic 'go' mode, and it feels good (so go, go, go!). You could be stunned by how far you've gotten by the really wonderful romantic days coming your way the 27th and 28th.
Capricorn - You start the month out, the 1st, feeling daydreamy. You can't concentrate. You keep staring up at the cotton-candy clouds. They all seem to shift their shape until they look just like that dreamboat down the hall. Look at that smile! And, oh, those heavenly cheeks! That chin! And that bird overhead, well, darned if it doesn't look just like that charming little birthmark they've got just to the right of their sultry lips! Hey, there's nothing wrong with dreaming. In fact, every romance requires a little fantasy to get off the ground. And this could well be the month that you make those daydreams happen. The 2nd and 3rd could see a whole lot of solidification of your light-as-air thoughts, especially if you get up the nerve to finally say hello to them in the elevator. The 8th, it could well be that you want to have sushi and they want to have sushi and if you two talk about it, you could end up on a date at a sushi restaurant together. Yippee! The 13th, be careful not to tell somebody who's always negative about your more fragile (as yet) hopes. The last thing you need is to have your happiness prematurely dashed by a nay-sayer! The 20th and 21st, talk to them. Then talk to them some more. The 26th, your clearheadedness saves the day (or evening), and the 30th, you'll end the month in seventh heaven.
Aquarius - How are you feeling, romantically on the 1st? Do you feel satisfied or frustrated? Fulfilled or a little bit empty? Do you have the sense that you can get what you want and that you want what you get, or do you feel like there's always something wrong? Well, sweetie pie, often the answers to these romantic questions lie within ourselves, rather than out there in the romantic world. Spend this month doing a little of the hard work. Ask yourself how you feel and why. Then keep asking yourself, over and over and over, until you feel like you're getting somewhere. (Here's a hint: If the answer is that it's always the other person's fault, you aren't there yet.) The 5th and 6th, you'll have an insight or two that could already be undoing some of those internal emotional knots that can be such a drag on romance. By the 12th, if you haven't discovered something new about yourself, why not enlist a little help? Sure, friends are good. A professional opinion might not be the worst option, either. And maybe you should check in on your fitness routine. After all, there's nothing that makes you feel less romantic than letting your health go to the dogs. By the 17th and 18th, you could feel like you're struggling a bit (this is always a good sign!). The 21st, if you think you're ready, why not talk to them about how you're feeling? The 26th, you could have a real connection. By the 30th, it's to turn back to all that work you've been doing with yourself. Don't be afraid to exact a little emotional self-discipline (from yourself). Then pat yourself on the back. This stuff is hard!
Pisces - Your instincts are almost always (or maybe even always) right on, and the 1st, if you have a romantic hunch about somebody, don't let anybody (including those critical voices in your head) talk you out of it. Don't forget, not only do you have fabulous intuition, but you're really cute too! By the 5th and 6th, your many attractions will have snagged the hearts of a couple of new admirers. Are any of them as tempting to you as you seem to be to them? If so, it could be a match made in heaven. The 7th and 8th, you have a kind of Midas touch -- if everything Midas touched had turned to solid romance! By the 12th, you might get a love letter, or a love note, or a love email, or even a love bite (spicy!). Enjoy it! The 16th, go ahead and keep a little tiny innocuous secret. They're going to go nuts trying to figure out what it is! The 21st, analyze a relationship -- if it requires analysis. If it doesn't require analysis, then just let it be. The 26th, watch out for a wet blanket. Why do you keep telling this person about what you really want when all they ever do is tell you that you aren't going to get it? Sheesh. The 30th, you end your month with a little tiny romantic nudge from somebody who's in a position to know what they're talking about.
Love Horoscopes are courtesy of www.love.astrology.com
June's Tip on the Mysteries of Male/Female Communication is about keeping a mini flirting guide in your thoughts for when potential scenarios arise. Author Leil Lowndes summarizes this guide by using the word SOFTEN and I have heard from countless people on the success it can bring...
Hi,
JUNE 2007
